malleableness
To be honest fashioning is such a difficult job. There are a lot of yesses to things and no’ing to people who piss me off. A lot of getting excited about a possibility and usually knowing it wont happen. And if it does happen it's because it required a lot of my persistence and guaranteeing that i will do it no matter the cost. Rarely are the results what i expected and often i wake up feeling confused on why i am so driven and passionate about the job. I have lots of ideas and directions for where i like to take things and I'm unsure where they come from. I look at images all day, refresh youtube and search videos on the engine to see what new thing i can learn and how it will influence my taste. My taste builds by the hour and sometimes my taste surprises me when a thing i thought i hated the most becomes my new taste.
All of this is fun and exciting and disappointing and repetitive, but often i need a break. A break from the waking up and doing it, thinking about it 24/7 and looking for a purpose in it. This month im out of town away from new york. Maybe when i say fashion is a difficult job what i really mean is that new york is a difficult job. Bills to pay always bills, trains to catch if they arent running on the wrong line, packing for the studio, eating dinner but having to buy it cause i didnt get groceries for the week. Trying to make personal space for myself in a city where there isnt even space for cars to park.
This month im taking a break from my life my job and my commitments. Focusing on things like running, trees, eating, dieting, aimlessly printing, drinking, smoking (or atleast trying to get into smoking again), driving, playing music, finding new music, passing through new towns, avoiding shopping, wearing things i would never usually wear, being scrappy, taking long hot showers, accepting that sometimes the bath water is cold, being malleable, keeping serious conversations to phone calls or emails instead of casual passive text messages, reading several books at once, having short irrelevant conversations, not keeping concern about keeping in contact with friends, and using my energy in new ways.
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